Beautiful You

Beautiful you, 

Fortunate me,

You're so captivating,

Head down to your feet...

(Michael O'Brien, Something About Us)

Dearest Baji,

I woke up at 4 a.m with this song playing in my head, and even though it's a love song thoroughly enjoyed by your dad and I, God used it to speak to my heart in the early morn.

Yours hasn't been the easiest journey, and from the time you were conceived, it feels like there's always been a battle for your life. But somehow, with God's help, you've soldiered on and brought Him and us immense joy.

I look at your face as you tackle your exercises and my heart sings with gratitude: for life, love and God's faithfulness. Even though some days seem longer than others, and I feel ill equipped for the job at hand, God continues to remind me to rest in Him.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. (Psalms 91:1)

Way before I learnt the truth of dwelling in God, I used to dread entering the church creche for fear of what people would think. I agonized over what to say when a fellow mum asked me about your age, as I assumed that they only did so to get an opportunity to brag about the various milestones their babies had achieved. Crazy, right? I thank God for His grace because in His wisdom, He slowly started unraveling the lie that being different was bad; weak even.

But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.
(1 Corinthians 1:27)

I now look at you and see you for the good and perfect gift that you are. I feel so blessed and fortunate to be your mummy, and to watch you grow into the Joshua that God has called you to be. Through you, He is teaching me to be strong and courageous; to focus on the riches of Canaan instead of the mirage of giants on the way.

I love you loads baby.

Always,

Mummy

God's truth about S.E.X part 2

In the final part of this series, we continue looking at other biblical truths that will enable us to teach our children about sex.

In today's feel good culture, sex continues to be misused as an outlet for pent-up emotions that range from unbridled passion to emotional/physical blackmail. In his book 'Purpose & Power of Love and Marriage', the late Dr. Munroe, points to yet another misconception about sex:"The idea of sex as love is one of the biggest lies with which the world has perverted God’s original design for sexual expression, enjoyment, and fulfillment." Many people wrongly believe that sex and love are one and the same thing. The line "If you really love me, you'd have sex with me" and its many variations, is probably one of the most used lines in the non-Christian dating scene. However, going by the 3 types of love defined in the Bible, this type of love - Eros, has to do with physical/sexual attraction and can't sustain a marriage on its own. For a marriage to survive and thrive, Phileo (brotherly love) and Agape (divine love) as outlined in 1 Cor 13:4-7, must be present.

The extent to which sex has been debased is also seen in how its terminology is loosely used in every day conversation. It's not unusual to hear words like 'orgasmic' being used to describe a thrilling experience, or even phrases like 'sex up' to denote making something more exciting. Due to this, sex is seen as an all frills and thrills experience, with very few people willing to talk about the context in which it's meant to be enjoyed: marriage. Sex outside marriage - fornication, is a form of sexual immorality as clearly outlined in the Bible. Our bodies were created to bring God glory and not to gratify sinful sexual desires (1 Cor 6:13).

Even when the argument that "everyone's doing it" is presented, the reality is that there are those who are choosing to abstain till marriage. I've learnt that a strong faith in God will enable you to remain pure, as you view your body as the temple of the Holy Spirit, and are therefore able to flee from temptation (1 Cor 6:18,19). The people I spoke with also cited having close friends with similar values (yes, bad company does corrupt good morals!), clearly outlined boundaries (like those found here) and the mentorship of godly fathers or father figures as being instrumental.

Though I have had to live with the consequences of not waiting, I thank God for forgiving me of my sexual past and giving me a beautiful experience of marital sex as He intended: for pleasure, procreation, to build intimacy, and ultimately, as an act of worship to Him.


Always,

God's truth about S.E.X

I'm not a keen follower of the news. Ever since we unplugged our cable, I filter out what I watch so I mostly get to know what's happening later than most people. Today I woke up to the sad news that as part of the global campaign against the spread of HIV/AIDS among the youth, our president has launched a campaign dubbed 'Condoms for Kids.' I was so incensed about this that I first had to call my dear hubby to rant about it before asking him to join me in prayer. I've prayed about it and strongly feel that after a 2 year hiatus, this is something I need to blog about.

I am a wife and mother, but even before these titles, I am a daughter of the most high God. I am a sinner saved by grace and for that I am deeply grateful, for though I know I'm a W.I.P (Work In Progress), I'm not where I used to be. Over the years, God has been teaching me why abstinence is important; a lesson I wish I learned before I lost my virginity to a man I intended to get married to. But 3 years down the line, I finally had the guts to see the relationship for what it was: a toxic and emotionally abusive sham. I was riddled with guilt and shame, and though my peers were sexually active, I learnt the life changing truth that sin is sin whether you believe in God or not. God's truth after all, is objective and not subjective. 

As a mum, I am my children's first teacher (Prov 1:8 and 6:20) and it's my duty to demystify sex for my children according to God's word. I do not want them to buy into the lie that safe sex is all there is to sex, because unwanted pregnancies and STI's are not good enough reasons for abstinence. I say that because I know many people who got children at the 'right' time and dodged the various STI bullets, but are plagued with spiritual and emotional wounds resulting from sexual sin. This is because unlike other sins which are external to you, sexual sin is internalized (1 Cor 6:18).

When I finally do talk to my children about sex, these are the biblical truths I want them to learn:

- God created the sexual act as a way to unify a man and wife body,soul and spirit. Can you imagine the effects of having multiple unions or soul ties? Sex can especially be an empty act  when there's no marital commitment involved.
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh (Gen 2:24)

- The greatest way you can communicate love to your future spouse is by waiting for him / her in your marriage bed 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.(1 Cor 13:4-8)

- Abstinence communicates a deep love for God as you're obeying His commands

And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love. (2 John 1:6)

- Sex is a divine gift that's not only meant for procreation purposes, but as a way for a husband and wife to enjoy each other. In the old testament, a newly married man was even excused from war in order to first go home and enjoy his wife! (Deut 20:7)

- Sex shouldn't be used as a manipulative tool by either spouse, and abstinence should only be by mutual agreement. 

Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Cor 7:5)

There are many more truths about sex covered in the Bible.I shall continue with part 2 of this post next week. Until then, God bless you.

 

I am Yours

As a woman, I've constantly had to ward off feelings of insignificance; a nagging feeling that constantly has me asking the question, "Just who am I?"

I must admit that I've taken pride in certain labels: wife, mother, daughter, career woman, entrepreneur, woman of God... But what happens when the very labels that seem to define you are stripped off you? Where can you hide when the labels used to define you are words that fill you with guilt or shame? Hurtful, hateful words that your friends will whisper behind your back and your enemies shout from the rooftop?

Barren. Divorcee. Prostitute. Widow. Sickly...

Indeed, there's nothing new under the sun, as most of these words were at one time used to describe a woman in the Bible. Women whose mishaps God used to bring Him glory. Think of the barren Hannah, a woman whose heartfelt prayer to God made even Eli the priest mistake her for a drunk! From her womb, came Samuel - the prophet who anointed two of Israel's greatest kings Saul & David, and the last of Israel's judges.

The unnamed Samaritan woman who looked Jesus straight in the eye, and claimed to have no husband. I mean, where do you even start when you've had not just one failed marriage, but five, and the sixth one is no longer 'it'? And yet, even though Jesus knew everything about her, He did not treat her like a pariah but  offered her eternal life! (John 4:14)

Rahab the prostitute (Josh 2), Ruth the widow (Ruth 1-4), the sickly woman who had bled for twelve years with no cure found (Luke 8:43-47)... Read their stories of shame and eventual redemption, and keep this one truth in mind; that the names God calls you are not dependent on circumstances. The names that He calls you are not even dependent on your performance, or lack of it. Look up with confidence and joy knowing that He has labeled  you thus: Daughter, Friend, Beloved, Chosen, Blessed, Saint, His.

When it's not the toddler with the tantrum!

I've been having a tough week: a throat infection, poor sales at my business, not to mention past insecurities that seem to have chosen to resurface at this time. I have taken it all to God in prayer, but to be honest, I've still been feeling antsy about it all. That being the case, I've not been a very pleasant person to be around. I've morphed into this creature with a myopic sense of self, such that the world could just as well be blown into smithereens & all I'd be thinking about is 'poor ol' me'.

It's only yesterday that the Holy Spirit led me to do some serious introspection, particularly after I'd spoken ill of someone. No sooner had I tried painting the person in a negative light,did I really start listening to myself, and what I heard wasn't orchestral. I heard the strains of bitterness that seemed to be taking root in me. There was a broken record of 'if only's' that had made me miss out on the simple joys of relating with others; enjoying friendship and fellowship while accepting that perfection is God and God alone. I heard chords of guilt and shame, about a past that refused to accept that God's grace was more than a soothing balm; it was also a healing balm.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6

I believed that I had been praying my worry away, until God's spirit showed me what my prayers had really been: demands and threats. I, Muhito, demanded that the God of the universe attend to my needs immediately, in a manner that I deemed fit. I read my Bible (more like skimmed and schemed through it), all the while twiddling my thumbs awaiting the opportunity to present my list to God. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with presenting your list of requests to God, but the attitude really matters. You see, my heart wasn't in thanksgiving mode at any one point. Instead of praising while waiting, I was busy pouting & throwing myself a pity party. I even  went as far as mentally listing all the bad things that had happened in my life & trying to arm-twist God into making things easier for me henceforth.The result? peace eluded me and my nights were spent soaking up my pillow with tears. 

Our God is indeed a merciful God, and even after I'd thrown what could only be compared to a ginormous toddler tantrum at a candy aisle,He reached down and picked me off the floor.  Just like a toddler, I resisted. My arms were flailing about in anything but worship. I was screaming inwardly and tears blurred my vision - but Father continued to hold me. And when the tears had dried up and the fight in me had taken flight, I looked up and saw a face that loved me, in spite of everything. That for me, is the definition of grace.

Awesome 2!

Your dad and I agreed on a keepsake for you on every birthday - a letter from each of us just to remind you (and us) how blessed we are to have you. You turned 2 on 11/04/12 so this is definitely long overdue.

Being a mum to you has changed me. You've taught me how to love fiercely, and yet freely; to dance unreservedly (even if my greatest moves are only executed in my head); to share my affections and afflictions. 

There was a time when you wholly depended on me for almost everything. Days in my foolishness that I wished would be a thing of the past so that I could get my life back. But now as I look at you run and slowly gain your independence I want to turn back the clock and get that little babe back. I know... it's the crazy mummy hormone - heavily addicted to gummy smiles, soft blankies and yummy smelling soft skin.

I thank God for His having allowed me to be available to you thanks to my work-from-home business. I love the special moments we've shared mixing cake batter, perfecting mum-mum's secret vanilla cake frosting (which you now can't stand!), singing our prayers, feeding Pooh and Yuki... It's in this memories in the making that God reminds me to savor our time together. My task list may no longer include transporting you everywhere, or spoon-feeding you the pureed foods that you so despised; but I'm honored that I still get to speak words of blessings over you.

May the Lord instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; May He counsel you with His loving eye on you. (Psalms 32: 8)

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.(Philippians 4:19)

This is the day the Lord has made;may you always rejoice and be glad in it.(Psalms 118:24)

Love you always,
Mummy

A mamma like Hannah

The story of Hannah in the Bible always stirs up mixed feelings in me. I feel her raw pain as she cries out to God for a child, having sailed in that boat a few years back. Just like the joy she feels when Eli confirms to her that God has heard and will answer her heart's cry, I too know the peace that comes from a heaven-sent promise.

I wonder how she feels on discovering that she is pregnant; does she keep it to herself  fearing that it is just another late period? Does she confide only in those closest and dearest to her, or 'tell it on the mountains'?

Fast forward to 9 months later and there she is with a babe in her arms.
"Samuel, because I asked the Lord for him" is her quiet explanation when friends and family ask how she arrived at that name.
A beautiful name. A befitting name. A reminder of her promise to God.

And she made a vow saying,"O Lord Almighty, if you will look upon your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life..."
                                                       (1 Samuel 1:11)

What Hannah does next baffles me (I can see many other mothers with me on this one). She weans him, and young as he is, takes him to the temple, to dwell there for the rest of his natural life (1 Samuel 1:24-28). I have often read this and wished the writer of Samuel would go into details: Are her shoulders stooped as she carries little Sammy up to the temple? Are her eyes swollen with the grief of giving up her only child? Doe she have to physically drag herself away from him as he cries out to her receding figure? Is Peninnah waiting for her at the gate to her household, all too ready with snide comments and jeers?

Though we may never know the minute details of Hannah's journey to the temple and back, we do know that this is one woman who knew the power of a promise kept. She not only takes Samuel up to the temple, but she does so with a sacrifice in hand (1 Samuel 1:24). Now that's what God calls a cheerful giver! She could easily have reasoned that Sammy would be at the temple for the rest of his life, and therefore kept him at home for a few more years. After all, according to her promise to God, there was no specific timeline as to when she should take him. But not this mamma! Just as God was quick to answer her cry for a son (she only lay with Elkanah once and she conceived), she was also quick to honor her promise.

"... those Who Honor Me, I Will Honor"

(1 Samuel 2:30)

Indeed, God did honor Hannah, for other than Samuel, she did birth 5 other children: 3 sons and 2 daughters (1 Samuel 2:21).Wow, talk about being given abundantly more than you could ever ask or imagine! When Hannah was making her promise to God, I don't think she knew what blessings her keeping that promise would bring. Her son Samuel was not only a godly prophet and judge, but she also had a full, bursting-at-the-seams-with-kids house. 

The lesson for me in this is that my child is a gift from God. My work as her mum is not to hold on to her, but to wrap her up in prayers and place her in God's gentle arms, to do His bidding now and forever more. 

Mama's true calling

Whether a stay-at-home, work-from-home or work-outside-the-home mum, I'm sure there are times when you've wondered if you're doing a good job with your child. There are days when you see her perform a random act of kindness and you think you have this parenting thing down to a pat – but let's face it, those days can seem few and far in between especially when you're dealing with a tantrum in a public venue.

It's easy to be hard on yourself during the bad days; to think of yourself as a failure when you compare your child's behaviour with your neighbour's bible-verse-quoting, always-does-what-mummy-says child. Yap, the grass will always be greener as soon as you introduce the 'C' word.

You're doing a good job with your child, but immediately you start comparing yourself with someone else, you start doubting your work, and ultimately your worth, as a mum. Suddenly, your child's good grades, active involvement in your church's youth group and her tidying up her room without needing to be told, are no longer enough. You push her to outshine everyone in all that she does and with every accolade you she receives, you lose your eternal perspective on your calling as a mother.

He took a little child and set him in the midst of them. And when He had taken him in His arms, He said to them, “Whoever receives one of this little children in My name receives Me; and whoever receives Me, receives not Me but Him who sent Me.”

Mark 9:36-37 NKJV

When I read this verse, I found myself asking this question: “If  the babe I'm nursing at 2 a.m. / the toddler colouring my wall/ the teen who seems to have locked me out of her life was JC, would I still treat her the same way?”

Nooooooo... then, I would be ministering to my Saviour so I'd clean up my act (probably attend a parenting class and read a number of Dr. Dobson's books while at it).

“But isn't motherhood just that, a ministry?” He gently chided me.

“Yes it is.”

Then it follows that my chief role as a mum is to prepare my child's soul for eternity. This is done every time I love my child as she is, and NOT as she should be. I minister to my child’s soul and spirit every time I raise my voice to praise God for the blessing that she is, as opposed to yelling out my frustrations at her. Indeed, I am nurturing my child's soul if I'm able to lay down godly rules for her to abide by, and to discipline her when she fails to do so.

If at the end of my life I have taught my daughter nothing but to lean on God, then indeed I'll have successfully lived out my purpose as a mum.

Where are my 24 hours?

My life has been feeling out of balance of late with so much to do and so little time. I love my new business; passionate about it and the direction it's taking. But I don't want to miss out on my family or my God.

Nia seems to be growing up so fast and yet there are days when I feel like it's not fast enough (forgive me Lord). I want to follow my passion which I now believe to be part of God's greater purpose for me. I however don't want to lose out on living with and loving my wonderful, can't-do-it-without-you family. Lord please give me wisdom and show me the way forward.

I love this poem that I first came across in "Mom... and lovin it!" by Laurie Hillard and Sharon Autry ( lovely book by the way). Maybe I should frame it and have it in my view always...

                                                            "Love in the Home"

If I live in a house of spotless beauty with everything in its place,

But have not love, I am a housekeeper — not a homemaker.

If I have time for waxing, polishing, and decorative achievements,

But have not love, my children learn cleanliness — not godliness.

Love leaves the dust in search of a child’s laugh.

Love smiles at the tiny fingerprints on a newly cleaned window.

Love wipes away the tears before it wipes up the spilled milk.

Love picks up the child before it picks up the toys.

Love is present through the trials.

Love reprimands, reproves, and is responsive.

Love crawls with the baby, walks with the toddler, runs with the child,

Then stands aside to let the youth walk into adulthood.

Love is the key that opens salvation’s message to a child’s heart.

Before I became a mother I took glory in my house of perfection.

Now I glory in God’s perfection of my child.

As a mother, there is much I must teach my child,

But the greatest of all is love.

Love? Really mummy?

Ok. So we tried putting it off for as long as we could. We discussed it, prayed about it, and silently hoped that that day was a long way off. But it finally came.

Pouting lips. A defiant stare. Stubborn little legs that stood their ground demanding their way NOW!  


"I have a visitor, what will she think of me?"
"I don't want to do this without her daddy here." 
But if I did nothing, I knew that I would hurt her more.


I looked at her. She glared back, with a small victorious smile starting to form.


A gentle but swift spank on her bum. Silence... then tears. 


Wide tear-brimmed eyes asking why. A mother's silent prayer to heaven wondering if she did the right thing.


An answer in the form of  chubby hands around her. Maybe not immediately, but all the same a welcome relief, whatever the hour.

"... “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” ...Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live!...No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

                                      Hebrews 12:5-6,9,11

Hope for the weary mum

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
                                    Isaiah 40:31

Meals to be cooked. Noses and bums to be wiped. Dishes to be cleared. Socks to be paired... and in the middle of this muddle, is a family to be loved.

I'm not a multi-tasking mum. Period. I know that there's a generalization that women are great multi-taskers, but that gene seems to be missing from my DNA. I try to keep my house running, and still have some mummy time. At times, this is possible, but more often than not, the day ends with half of my 'To-Do' list still pending and a back ache that feels chronic.

There lies my problem: "I try." I'm beginning to realize that I can't do this on my own strength. I can't be a loving wife and mother; a budding writer and astute business woman; a godly woman. To be all this things and more, I need God. I need to learn to find my strength in Him, and when weary, I need to find my rest in Him. Like the Psalmist, may I say

"You let me rest in fields of green grass. You lead me to streams of peaceful water, and you refresh my life. You are true to your name, and you lead me along the right paths."


Psalm 23:2-3 CEV

Fruitful Mothering

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remain in me and I in him,he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing
                                    John 15:5

Motherhood can totally drain you, especially if you're relying on your strength. Your precious little bundle can turn even the most mundane activity (pairing socks) into a hair raising experience. Overnight, you can turn into a mean, depressed, always-shouting-and-not-fun-to-be-around woman.

But, what if you totally surrender your trying-to-be-super-mum attitude and ask God to be your source of strength? Life as a mother begins to change. You find that you can wipe the spilt milk for the umpteenth time without muttering under your breath. You lovingly give your toddler the spoon he's been crying for without thinking about how much faster you'd have fed him. Another soiled nappy to rinse? No sweat.

Why the change in attitude? A realization that YOU. CAN'T. DO. IT. So you turn to the vine and guess what? You start bearing fruit. Not just fruit but much fruit.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,faithfulness,gentleness and self-control..."
                       Galatians 5:22,23

Join me in trying to be a mum who stays rooted to the vine. That our children may be able to see and taste of the luscious fruits that we bear. That when they ask the source of our forever in season fruit, we may be able to point them to the vine: Jesus Christ.

L.O.V.E

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
                                                                                                                              1 John 4:7

I woke up this morning to a beautifully colored card from my 22 month old princess and a very unexpected and thoughtful gift from my very loving and forgiving hubby. Lord, thank you for extending your love for me through the two most important people in my life.

I know that at times (many times) I forget to cherish these acts of love from my family and choose instead to focus on the TO-DO / NOT-TO-DO list. So thank you Lord, for reminding me what love & life is all about.

Love is...

Food stains on my stylish pair of white cotton trousers
A slow dance with my beloved though he's already late for work
A cute picture with the crayon color outside the lines
A wiggly, squirmy body trying to get away from my fierce hugs
A bunch of exotic flowers when funds are rock bottom low
An unexpected "I'm blessed to have you," just because
A silent prayer on my behalf as I snuggle deeper into the covers in the early morn
The kiss that follows the undeserved "I forgive you"
Popcorn for tea, and bread for dessert

Yes I'm a mum and I choose to dream BIG!

"You have dwelt long enough at this mountain. Turn, and take your journey..." "Look the Lord your God has set the land before you; go up and possess it... Do not fear or be discouraged."

Thank you for this one Lord. Thank you for reminding me that not only are you the dream giver, you are also the dream fulfiller. For a while now, I've been downsizing my dreams to my view of me. I foolishly chose to believe the skeptics with their "No, it can't be done" chants.


I
refuse
to
look
down
anymore.


I lift up my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. (Psalms 121:1,2)


You Lord, know my dreams. From being an accomplished christian writer and speaker, to owning a one-of-a-kind coffee shop cum bookstore and library chain, and everything in between. Use me for your glory. Amen.

God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame.  
Elizabeth Barrett Browning